G'night Starlet

Either this is tough, or I'm a big wuss.

First, there's this feeling that everything sucks. I'm lonely and he isn't coming home for ages. That's a little hump, and I need to get over it.

And I do.

I parade on to the next adventure, and that's when it hits me. Just around the corner is another hump. A big one.

This is the one I'm not prepared for.

Everything sucks. It sucks hard and it doesn't even suck well. It rains all the time. I meet with friends but everything still sucks. I'm blue all the time. I start to imagine him being home so much that I can almost feel it. I talk to him online and all he needs to say is "g'night starlet" and tears fill my eyes immediately. So I try to stumble on, but then comes the next neck of the journey.

I forget I'm not alone.

I am the only one at this end, and I have a hard time imagining him being homesick or missing me because I can't see it, and I can't hear it. I don't feel it.

I start to feel like he is to blame. I know it's his job and not him, but partially it is him too, because he did willingly take the job. If he loves me, then how could he abandon me like this? What gives?

And when he comes home I'll have a hard time adjusting to him being around and in my visual space all the time.

It's horrible how things like this bring out the worst egocentric characteristics in me. When did I become this needy person? It's okay to be sad and miss him, but when did all this surface? How the hell did this surprise me? Again?

And where do I go from here?